notes & photographs

if mountains could talk...

im anxious. i dont know why!
im emo. ive been listening to the spill canvas all day.
im tired. of working.
i havent picked up a camera to be productive in... months.
im not inspired. actually... i am. i just dont have the time.
im still anxious.
my stomach has a weird feeling. not a bad one.
my brain feels kind of overwhelmed. not stressed though.
anxious.

im always rushing the week to be over for the weekend. but i dont want summer to end.
i have to register for classes in 8 days. i havent picked up a catalog. all i know is im taking advanced photo and photo history. i need 2 more classes. i want to take advanced art but i suck in drawing. im SO over computer classes. i havent looked at my grades because i dont want to see my d in illustrator.

anxious.

i like my dark hair better than my purple, or blonde or brown hair.

remember when i actually cared about photography? why am i going down the drain with my supposed "life passion". because im lazy.

i want to be productive. but i cant when im anxious.

this world can be ugly but isnt it beautiful? FOR TOTES

i neglect this. i need to refurb it. i know most of my older photo albums need fixing from the bug typepad had last year. later.

i want to talk about last year. a lot happened. i changed. i definitely felt it. i dont know why. maybe because i went through a situation in the summer that affected me more than it should have? i dont know, i felt so close to him (andrew mcmahon, ha) because of his music. and knowing that he could have been taken away at any moment was scary. knowing that ANYONE even myself could be gone was terrifying. i had to change the way i looked at my life. yeah, i guess you could say i was in a sort of depression for a few months. cutting things and people out of my life because i didnt know where id be, theyd be, in the future. i used to be so afraid to live. to take risks. i was so shy.

i still am afraid to take huge chances. i dont even know where i want to go with my life. i thought i had it planned. everyone thought i was going to be so successful. i was smart. i had a passion. i had a goal. i dont care anymore. i just want to have fun. see the world. take pictures. life is too short to be stuck at a 9-5. i want to win the lotto.

my mom likes to catch me at bad times and ask "where are you going with your life?" i have an answer that she hates to hear "i am going to be a photographer. ill figure the rest out later" and then ill change the subject. im almost 20 years old. i just want to have fun.

all my life things have been handed to me on a silver platter. i dont take it for granted, i just dont do anything for myself. why should i when something always happens for things to go my way? i am just scared that things will stop coming. opportunties will see the lights out and not knock on my door.

i dont know why i come off as a bitch. /random

thats spencer. idk if you know about him. but hes pretty much the love of my life. we go everywhere together. he keeps me connected.

hes a sweetheart. omg im weird. but were inseparable.

yeah, lifes needs.

i miss this.just because there were a lot of photo ops.

i miss this as well.

because it was fun to get away

yes i miss my east coast friends. because at cavanaugh park...we used to play in the sand.

i miss hanging out with brendon! at the disco on street corners. while he talked to my mom on the phone. and beating jenny with skateboards.

DEF MISS THIS. THE *JARK PLUS LMAO.

CAN U TELL IM JUST GOING THROUGH MY PIX. HAHAHA.

LOLZ. we coo.

i proclaim this summer will rule. because frankly, last summer sucked. :)

i aim to be your eyes, trophy boys trophy wives.

where am i going to get 40,000 dollars to pay for school? idk. but thats the future. i dont care how close it is. im in the present! where am i going to get 200 dollars to pay for my cell phone bill!!!

im pretty happy. actually i dont know. its spring break. im bored.

fall out boy's video is on tv. awesome, i get to see brendon! at the disco. are will and the boys good or bad towards the peetz? im not sure.

IM SO UNMOTIVATED IN SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. I HAVENT EVEN SHOT A SINGLE ROLL OF FILM. HORRID.

i just want to go to shows.

LOVE.

photographicos

i guess im lucky to live here.

i went on photographing spree last night at le beach

with my tripod and everything.

its like a tropical paradise or some crazy shit like that. aka doesnt look like oside

my new myspace background.

go look at it and tell me its lovely. :)

same time of day. different fstop

this nights the perfect shade of dark blue dark blue

about me

Hahaha thats me, Rhonda. Im 19. (or almost 20 depending on who you talk to.) My favorite color is polka dot. Yes its a color. I like bean and cheese burritos. Im a vegetarian most of the time. If I eat meat its because im forced to or its wednesday. If today is december 12th, 2005 then its Aaron Carters birthday and my 7th day of not drinking soda. fyi.

I live on the side of the ocean. aka Oceanside. Clever eh? i didnt even think of it. Ill probably never ever leave southern California just because its the best. Great weather and the concerts are okay...I cant really complain.

speaking of concerts.. I go to a lot.. And those 2 girls are my favorites to go to concerts with. Ashley because shes freaking awesome and i totally converted her (youre welcome) and Jenny because were BFFs with everyone and SHE LIVES IN IOWA. rude. Nobody even likes iowa.

Soma is like my freaking second home. We like to sit outside and wait hours for cool shows. Good times. SK4L. Guys in bands are pretty hot.

I love music. I used to be in band.. ha. I can play a few things.

And i also like to photograph things. Thats sort of my major. And i sort of do it all the time. Like, i took that picture. And like all the other ones too. Yeah, i deserve a cookie i know.

That guy, andrew mcmahon, hes my hero. Probably the strongest person ive ever met 3 times. I enjoy his music and his bands, Jack's Mannequin and Something Corporate. And his face.. a lot. Hes a pretty neat guy i guess. I suppose i talk about him a lot. Im sort of obsessed.

i love a nice jamba session in the middle of a fiasco especially with ashley. we also love to wear scarves. because were bamfs. oh and dane cook is a silly bitch. we copy him a lot. [metal quotes]. fuck shoes and what nots.

i fucking love penguins. im not even joking.

its christmas in california...

so yesterday was dubbed jacks mannequin day by ashley and i.

dont even worry. i did that on purpose. we didnt really know what to do. so we went to vista star bucks to see nick but he wasnt working. and the girl asked me if we had fun plans for the night and i said "no" hahaha. NO. we dont even have fun. i dont even like fun. what is fun?? i sort of think fun is rude.

the windows were foggy in starbucks. it was hoppin. and it felt like christmas. i had a peppermint mocha. like my shirt? yes.

do you like ashleys shirt? thats the jacks mannequin shirt we got for free at the show. why? i dont even know/care. its super cute though. soo then as you know we went to see the witch and then dane cook the end.

this morning i had to go to work. i dont even like work. i didnt feel well either and my bloodsugar was low. :( kayne was nice enough to take the rest of my shift for me and i left at two.

we were supposed to go to sd to see jenny and her mommy for the last time but my mom was rude. i dont even like rude. what is rude all about? oh yeah not even seeing jenbny. its okay... cause were going to live together. in dana point apparently.

before i continue i would like to be upset. PARKER IS MARRIED. not even to me. RUDE. SPAGHETTI.

now for the good news... i just saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to geico.

and i also like that picture that adam [i think or jenny i dont know] took of andrew and his/ashleys bracelet. with the waterbottle. oh my god. that is the cutest picture of my life. its my desktop. i want to hug andrew. hes so cute. and tiny. parker... its ok because im marrying andrew so there. jerk.

doesnt our tree look cute?

shanice actually did it this year. so now she can say she really did something. haha. its pretty. i like christmas a lot. my mom brought me home a gingerbread latte. why? cuz shes nice and i begged. i didnt think she would. i love my mommy. i kind of have to tell her to shut up because she talks about andrew too much. today we were fighting over who hugged andrew first. i was like "IN GENERAL I DID." and shes all "yeah well friday i did." and i was like "you called him babes sooo it doesnt even count" and shes all "youre jealous. merry christmas because that was your present. you dont even get anything" and i said "i dont even care. i saw andrew looking great and thats all i want" and she looked like she was gonna cry. she rules sometimes.

i took pictures of lights.

doesnt this make you want a candy cane in your hot chocolate? it does for me. and no i still havent tried it.

this is what it would look like if santa had a grave.

FYI.

its hard to ignore that it feels like summer all the time. actually its 44 degrees. and it was snowing. so there wasnt much to ignore.

a complicated situation...

IM COMING HOME TO THE LIGHTS AND BUZZ.

FIN.

this is the 2nd fucking time i had to do this over.

the 1st time it took me an hour and a half so appreciate the fact that im wasting my life doing this.

woke up picked up ashley. jenny her mom and adam came over. was excited cuz i missed them. we left.

car ride was fun

got closer freaked out. got there. went to their hotel. drove on hollywood blvd while adam me ashley and jenny were squished in the back 4 times. jennys head got lightsabered off.

had jack in the box for dinner.

got in line.

shh ashleys studying

jenny doesnt even like people

adams excited or something

ok jenny is excited too

ashleys friggen white.

umm had a lasagna cookie.

moved to the front of the building to the tent

caspers a toolbag because that email was sent out on the 30th at 10:30.

at the front of the stage. it was soo cool.

andrew came out. said "5 months and i come out with my fly down and shoe untied" he was so nervous. no one really sang along to the first couple songs cuz they were just taking it in.. or crying like me. yeah i cried. have a child. if there was a word to describe perfect then andrew would be it. he said "ive got so much to say but im so nervous" or something like it. played 21 and invincible and the astronaut. and everyone got into dark blue. and he got into the mixed tape. came back for an encore and only touched a couple peoples hands including mine and i couldnt stop shaking after because thats when it felt real. and the 100 hour eye contact.

he was so tiny.

it really was a perfect show.

and im so glad i got to experience it.

after.. my mom was like BOB and like grabbed him and forced him to take a picture with me and i was like omg i dont even care mom

and i wanted to give andrew the lego keychain i got him. its an astronaut keychain because he said his favorite song is the astronaut.

i know youre like what whos the lady.

its andrews mom. my mother forced me to take a picture with andrews mom. i asked her to give andrew the keychain for me and she was like "omg  yes thats my favorite song too and when he was 9 and omg something about an orchestra...."

then i met brian from something corporate!

that was so cool.

then we decided to take pictures of us

adam and i

cool people. i dont even know why i look short

me and jenbny. bff!

yeah sooo then we went to take a picture of brian and meghan and ashley and brian and i totally tripped over a rope and ate it in front of brian. whatev.

then we went on the stage for no apparent reason where i met clutch

and brian and will and clutch were talking and i was just standing there and i was like ummm something corporate reunion and im right here. yay.

haha im andrew whos jealous? you? yeah i got andrews butt juice on me.

no seriously. i sat there yesssss.

then of course we had to talk to jon and he saw me and was like omg what up sonn and does the whole gangsta whats up hand thing.

adam sorta got raped.

and i sorta laughed. a lot.

dont even worry adam i will send you a copy.

what can i say about dr j? hes intense. he totally brought up gumby. lol. and my mom was like OMG SHE HAS IT ON HER WALL and i was like omg and hes all OMG MOMS I LOVE MOMS LET ME HUG YOU. he said something about me having to wash dishes.. i dont even know. but it was over ashleys head.

hes funny.

were sooo cool.

and then ...

ANDREW COMES OUT. and my mom KINDA RUNS OVER TO HIM. AND I KINDA HAVE TO FOLLOW CUZ HI SHES MY MOM AND YEAH. and he sees her and smiles and shes like "COME HERE BABES" and like hugs him and im like no you did not.

and i was like "did you get the keychain from your mom?" and hes like "yes!! thank you sooo much!" and i love him

i soo cropped that. you dont even want to see the rest of it.

lets just say it looked like i was having his kids. i dont even look like that in real life though hahaha. anyway i just got the memo that were married

oh and thats ashleys bracelet hes wearing fyi.. im sure shed like me to say that.

and he signed my cd.. and we got a shirt!!! and my life was complete.

then we drove them back to the hotel. and wrote jacks mannequin on our show bracelet things. and then it was 11:11 and it was sad and i had to say byebye to jenny her mom and adam :(

then we went home and ASHLEY SLEPT DONT EVEN LET HER TELL YOU SHE DIDNT. and apparently i whistle in my sleep. no i do not.

and then i came home. omg the end im finally done.

Ha, Look im using this.

Alright, no picture today seeing as im in the library at school. Rather bored. But waiting for someone so i dont mind.

Im pretty much accepted into Brooks inst. of Photography. Extremely excited for that. Just have to send in a few things like an essay and 4,000 dollars but hey... if my mom wants me to go to college then shes just going to have to shell out the big bucks because Rhonda doesnt do cheap.

These past few weeks have been a blur. Not that I am complaining. I am actually very happy right now. Im only taking 2 classes, dont work much [even though i need the money!], with someone who makes me smile...a lot, and im taking pictures.

Perfect is the only thing to describe my life.

Crap, did i mention ive eaten meat like 5 times in the past week. Im cutting back. Im being horrible now. But today i did have some lovely fake chicken nuggets.

Mother is probably worrying her sweet little head. so i better call her. Ill post later...

I have been Enlightened.

That is Gerard Way being absolutely fab at life.
I also know what I want to do with my life. How awesome right? I am changing my major to Digital Media and transferring to Brooks institute of photography. Next week I am going to be talking to a councelor to get a new plan for transfer. MAYBE I WONT HAVE TO TAKE MATH!??!?! A girl can hope right?

We seem to have some morons at work. Well just one moron. And I am going to have to do some damage control. Many props to my BFF4L Brandon for bringing this to my attention.

I really want to start over. Blank canvas, new roll of film. Just change everything. Not really change because I hate change. Just, something fresh. Today, Sept 2nd, I will be a new person. I will actually be nice to people. And say nice things. Pretend no one exists but myself. Ive realized that karma sucks so hard sometimes. And sometimes you cant control everything. Actually I take that back. You can control anything you want. You be nice to someone and they will be nice to you. MOST of the time that works.

Except theres one thing you cant control. Thats your feelings. The little men in their white suits running around your brain controls your emotional psyche. I honestly feel that way right now. And no matter how hard I try to feel a certain way I cant. And right now im feeling detatched. I just want to be. Do whatever I want, yeah? But im feeling really stuck.

Dont you wish you could just hop on a plane, go somewhere, anywhere, pretend youre someone else. Anyone else. I want to be someone else right now. No one in particular but I just want to be different. Get of out this routine. Quit being stuck.

I cant help that everything changes no matter how much i hate it or pretend its the same. Andypants said it best, everything in transit. I have to stop pretending. Im not the center of the world anymore. Not the real world anyway. My world, yes, but even then being the queen gets boring.

I need a new situtation, new people, new car - bmw please and thank you - and i love everyone in my life right now. Please dont take this the wrong way. I just need new.

love and stuff.

Once a band geek, always a band geek. Kinda.

I went to Steph's band thing last night. Of course, shes not in band shes on the flag team and somewhere in that picture. All in all they were pretty good. Flippin small though. But I had fun. Sort of. I hung out with Eifeh and Valery both of whom I havent seen since graduation. Yeah, high school graduation. Eifeh talked me into going to the football game this friday but thats the only thing. That and the RBV tournament because Kyle is going too. Ew gross band.

I uploaded my entire collection of Jack's Mannequin pictures in the albums to your right. Mostly for Jenny because shes been bugging me about that. haha. Theres only a few missing which ill put up later.

I probably should get ready for school. Not to mention do homework. Today, I have business law and Photography. Ill probably chill in the library after photography working on my digital imaging homework.

Does anyone think thats weird how in the song Dark Blue, Andrew sings about the whole town being underwater and then the whole hurricane in the south? Im telling you. Mcmahon is psychic. You heard it here first.

postscript; dont think i dont know who all reads this. :) its okay, really, you can comment.

love and stuff